The Gaming Den

random thought Koumei, if you're not already on it, maybe trying joining the site Fetlife. It's like a really simplified version of facebook for people into kinky shit, except the kinky shit doesn't even have to come up that much. I suggest it because there's a huge group of geeks on there, and seemingly a lot of aussies, possibly because Australia is like the goddamned fronteir where your nearest neighbour is ten miles away or something....

Step 1. Set up an anime marathon night or something at your place with your other friends.

Step 2. Invite her.

Step 3. Enjoy your night with friends regardless of whether your crush deigns to make an appearance.

jadagul wrote: As an irregular mainly-lurker (and one who sympathizes with Koumei's problems), I really wanted to jump in and second this...

I don't. I don't disagree with what you're saying (exposure lessens the anxiety, though that's also contingent on successful interaction) but there are other barriers to interaction other than just anxiety that more exposure does not help with, or makes worse. And individual tolerances (and considerations) vary so I obviously can't speak for Koumei, but it wouldn't surprise me if daily interaction is more than a lot of autistics can handle.

It's more than I can handle, for sure. I know because I tried it for a while when normal people kept telling me I should interact with people more, and I'm going to skip the details but it wasn't until I could give people the finger and say "screw your social obligations, I'm gonna hermit today" that I was able to get my life into something resembling functional.

Sarandosil wrote:

jadagul wrote: As an irregular mainly-lurker (and one who sympathizes with Koumei's problems), I really wanted to jump in and second this...

I don't. I don't disagree with what you're saying (exposure lessens the anxiety, though that's also contingent on successful interaction) but there are other barriers to interaction other than just anxiety that more exposure does not help with, or makes worse. And individual tolerances (and considerations) vary so I obviously can't speak for Koumei, but it wouldn't surprise me if daily interaction is more than a lot of autistics can handle.

It's more than I can handle, for sure. I know because I tried it for a while when normal people kept telling me I should interact with people more, and I'm going to skip the details but it wasn't until I could give people the finger and say "screw your social obligations, I'm gonna hermit today" that I was able to get my life into something resembling functional.

That's fair. And I should clarify that I don't mean you should go hang out with people all the time, or even every day; if I see people extensively every day for a week I start getting really stressed and have to take a day or two to hide in my room. (But then, if I see no one for a week I get stressed and need to go hang out with people somewhere. It's a balance). My friends and I call it an introvert day, and they know me well enough that we actually have conversations that go:

"Hey, wanna hang out on Friday?"
"Sorry, I really need to take an introvert day."
"Oh, okay, some other time then."

And of course my experience may or may not be helpful to anyone else; but it is at least a datum, and I know it works for some people.

Yeah, my friends know I sometimes just need an introvert day. Anyway, I'll give it a shot, because seriously, if I say "Hey, would you like to go get coffee in the city some time next week?" then worst-case scenario, she says "No" and I can say at least I tried.

And I'll go with Frank's advice here because it's the advice I most want to hear. And if it turns out well, in future see if she'd like to watch some anime or join the N1 game or whatever. It's not like I'm really risking anything, after all.

Though from the sound of it, it would actually be easier if I was looking for sex. Oh well.

Got messaged back, she doesn't do IRL meetups. Oh well. I don't really need new friends, I guess, I can just bully my current ones into showing up whenever I want them around. I'd be nice if I had a few friends with boobs, but I can probably just divide that:
[*]Friends (the current bunch)
[*]People with boobs (I'm pretty sure brothels cater for gay women here)

*pat pats*

Well, you still can find new friends; it just won't work out with her specifically. You don't have to get all fox-and-the-grapes about it.

Good luck. A lot of the advice here is still pertinent for other interesting people you meet.

RobbyPants wrote:other interesting people you meet.

Haha, good one. I never meet anyone, that's why I was excited about this opportunity.

Fantasising that hot porn stars would be really interested in you if they only got to know you, and finding making friends scary and difficult pretty much counts as a normal person in my experience.

Sorry things didn't work out, Koumei, I know how hard it is to find worthwhile people locally.

Red_Rob wrote:Fantasising that hot porn stars would be really interested in you if they only got to know you, and finding making friends scary and difficult pretty much counts as a normal person in my experience.

Seconded.

On topic: Sorry it didn't work out, Koumei. It is really hard to meet cool people no matter what life issues one has. I try not to think too hard about it and let fly with whatever's in my head. 99% of the time it's something retarded but I don't let it bother me. Just act like everyone around you is retarded and most people will fall right in line.

Since moving relatively recently, I haven't had much luck finding new friends. I have been unable to locate handy clubs where people with similar interests gather. I had some degree of hope when a new hobby shop opened, but the warhammer wargamers there turned out to be rather snobby jerks who seemed to treat being scammed into paying small fortunes for large collections of overpriced miniatures as some kind of weird status symbol rather than actually caring about the gameplay itself. A rather strikingly different flavor than the atmosphere of the hobby store I grew up with.

It's not just that I'm not terribly good at approaching people and following through from that point to establishing a friendship, it's also that I have no idea where I should actually look for friends that I would actually want to have as friends (e.g. people with common interests, the ability to hold an intellectually stimulating conversation, some degree of decency as a human being, etc). I mean, I've gone out, met people, gotten to know them, then learned that I do not enjoy their company. I just can't help but feel that there has to be some more efficient way to go about this.

So... I guess what I'm saying is that I would really appreciate any advice in this vein, too.

I'm sorry that it didn't work out, too.

Seriously? Wow.

Clubs. Dodgeball. Martial Arts. nearbygamers.com and penandpapergames.com . The ten-thousand Meetup groups that go out to eat and/or drink, or just do something you find interesting.

What wasteland are you living in that the glorious digital century we live in doesn't have hordes of folks desperately trying to get you to have a good time with them?

mean_liar wrote:Seriously? Wow.

Clubs. Dodgeball. Martial Arts. nearbygamers.com and penandpapergames.com . The ten-thousand Meetup groups that go out to eat and/or drink, or just do something you find interesting.

What wasteland are you living in that the glorious digital century we live in doesn't have hordes of folks desperately trying to get you to have a good time with them?

Australia. They are all killed by poisonous snakes and rampaging cassowaries.

Caedrus wrote: It's not just that I'm not terribly good at approaching people and following through from that point to establishing a friendship, it's also that I have no idea where I should actually look for friends that I would actually want to have as friends (e.g. people with common interests, the ability to hold an intellectually stimulating conversation, some degree of decency as a human being, etc). I mean, I've gone out, met people, gotten to know them, then learned that I do not enjoy their company. I just can't help but feel that there has to be some more efficient way to go about this.

So... I guess what I'm saying is that I would really appreciate any advice in this vein, too.

I've found myself in a similar situation from time to time. You can try traveling to different venues to participate in whatever you find interesting. Even if you only manage to enjoy a day out that's nice, there's also the off chance that someone knows people closer to you who have similar interests but that you wouldn't meet normally.

mean_liar wrote:Seriously? Wow.

Clubs.

What clubs? I looked at the list of clubs at my local college, and surprisingly they don't have a gaming club (be it pen and paper or video games), or actually any really decent ones. I guess that's just my luck.

Dodgeball. Martial Arts.

Eh?

nearbygamers.com and penandpapergames.com .

I guess I'll look at those.

What wasteland are you living in that the glorious digital century we live in doesn't have hordes of folks desperately trying to get you to have a good time with them?

California? I must be doing something horribly wrong...

What wasteland are you living in that the glorious digital century we live in doesn't have hordes of folks desperately trying to get you to have a good time with them?

Texas.

Be careful on the penandpaper games website. As in, use it to find people to game with, which I have myself, but don't participate in the community. People who use the chatroom are anti-intellectual to a HUGE degree, the usual "evolution is the work of liberal satanists" stuff that the moderators do nothing but encourage.

I think the main reason it bothered me at all was I was already feeling miserable, and when I'm down, the smallest things really get me and I fall into a depressive slump for days on end.

And I also had the shits, which is the term I will use because I can't be bothered learning how to spell the proper term. And painful cramps that are to be expected, but still annoying.

Luckily, cramps, the shits and bad moods can all be cured by the one thing: prescription narcotics! FUCK YES.

So I spent last night up to my tits on codeine, and today I feel better. Also I have some decent chocolate here, and fuck it, I'm doing karate so that I don't have to adjust my eating habits to be in shape. But I'll still carry this lesson by simply sticking with my current friends (and demanding they arrive from time to time, despite the hour+ travel time), and seeking non-friend breasts out to spend time with, even if I have to pay them for it.

Ganbare Gincun wrote:rampaging cassowaries.

at first glance I thought that read chainsaws.

I'm throwing in too. I live in the wasteland known as Sacramento.

DragonChild wrote:the usual "evolution is the work of liberal satanists"

Damn right it is! Getting DNA to self replicate and mutate was a real bitch, you know?

There are tons of people that live here (Up in the NW corner of VA) . I've just found that 99% of the people that were born here aren't worth getting to know. I live in a place where the Democrats are farther right wing than republicans from any otehr state.

Caedrus wrote:

Dodgeball. Martial Arts.

Eh?

Motherfucking dodgeball. People play it in leagues. Its awesome. Ditto for any other kind of athletics league... you'll have to Google around for it, but if you're in a metropolitan area there's probably something there.

Martial arts teaches you awesome applications of aggression and as Koumei noted, lets you eat without care. Plus, people.

What wasteland are you living in that the glorious digital century we live in doesn't have hordes of folks desperately trying to get you to have a good time with them?

California? I must be doing something horribly wrong...

What part? You can PM me if you want.

I'll Google the shit out of the area and get back to you. Meetup.com should have SOMETHING. I mean, there's a dozen things I'd like to do every damn day but I still have to work for a living and be a family man and have to feed my addiction to martial arts which basically means once every six months or so I go out to a rave and act like a loon... but good God man, you're in college? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

I'll aid you if only to live vicariously through your experiences.

holy christ.

PRAK ANIMA
What the fuck do you like to do? How much spare cash do you generally have a week that you'd be able to blow?

Great Escape is having an open board game night tonight. Queer Supper Meetup is tonight. A Volunteering group just started. There's a Saturday-morning hike to... somewhere. An Airsoft KILL ZOMBIES event. And a few wine tastings.


STEP 1. Get out of the house!